You met this guy in the reunion party last month and he appears to be the Ideal Guy. Both of you had a great time with the rest in the party and….he asked you out for a date! The first date was wonderful, both of you had a romantic evening walk after a great movie. However, after the 2nd date, he didn’t call to arrange any activities; he did not even call to say hi. When you called him, this is what you heard from him: Actually I am not ready for a relationship……
So what’s wrong?
Let’s start examining this from women’s perspective. Women often wants to rush things into relationship phase and forget to have fun. This is a mistake that could ruin any potential relationship. To us, having a relationship means we have our soul mates who could enrich our lives; our lives are incomplete without our men. Now let’s interpret the real meaning beneath these statements:
• We need to have a relationship in order to have a happy/complete/meaningful life.
• If we met the Ideal Guy he will make us happy
Now let’s examine this from guy’s perspective with regards to the definition of relationship. Based on what we have interpreted the real meaning has now become: It is the guys’ responsibility to make women happy by giving them a meaningful life. It sounds more like a commitment that is full of burden than a romantic relationship.
It all started with our mind set of ‘I can’t be the wonderful woman because I don’t have a wonder partner’. Having a great partner is a beautiful thing, but if you can’t live a happy and fulfilled life without one, you will not be able to do so even with a great partner. It is not his responsibility to make your life happy and meaningful, it is yours. Cultivate the ability to be adventurous and playful. Try something different in your life. It can be giving yourself new experience as often as you can – New book, new film, different types of food, pick up a new form of sports such as yoga, dancing and etc
Having an enriched lifestyle yields a great advantage – it makes you more attractive because you
will be a better conversationalist since you have a lot of interesting stuff to share. You will also be less obsessed with one particular guy because there are so much more going on with your life. Instead of rushing into a relationship with the guy (trust me, guys notice it), the guy will now ‘buy’ into this relationship with you because you have so much to share; as opposed to the previous version of you who wanted to take value from a relationship.
So what should we do if he tells that he is not ready for a relationship? Well, do not make the fatal mistake by breaking into tears and start being ungracious with him. This will further reinforce his belief that his decision of not having a relationship with you is the right one. Instead, you should give a nonchalant shrug when you heard this; you probably can just say OK. You should continue to show him that you are a lovely lady with so much to share, one way to do this is to keep him as friend and invite him to join you occasionally whenever there are interesting activities such as barbecuing, hiking trip, etc. By so doing he would realise he is going to miss a lot of wonderful stuff by rejecting you. And, the likelihood is when you are capable of having a great time and meet more people without him, you may realize there is someone better than him out there.
About the Guest Author: Deanie
Deanie Yap is a freelance writer who enjoys writing self – development and relationship advice for women. Based in Southeast Asia, she believes in cultivating values in her live and communicate this to the people surrounding her. We at seriously maybe are thrilled to have her as a guest writer and wish her the best of luck in her future endeavors.