Are you guilty of trying to fix a broken person? I think that many of us have this idea of how the relationship should be and if they do X, Y and Z, everything will fall into place. It makes sense in theory but I feel that all of the logical reasoning goes out of the window when dealing with a broken person.
I attempted to play the role of “Ms. Fixer” for so long in my past relationships. With my first boyfriend, I wanted him to see that I was different than the other girls he dated that would do crazy things like key his car up and jump him(even though I don’t think violence is the answer, I found out later exactly why a girl would be driven to that point!) so I let a lot of things go that I should have mentioned. I put up with his temper when he lashed out at me because I wanted to demonstrate patience that I felt his exes lacked. They didn’t understand him or the things he had been through so I wanted to play therapist and nuture him. In trying to build him up and make him a better man, I became weak, fragile and in denial and it took a horrific situation for me to to realize that I wasn’t the broken one in the beginning but because I was trying to fix something that I had no parts in, I ended up falling apart.
This became a pattern for me especially with the last guy I was seeing. We were on and off for two years before I realized that nothing I could say or do would change the way he felt about me as far as taking our relationship to the next level. He had past relationship issues that crept to the surface in bits and pieces. I was taking those bits and pieces and trying to put them back together like a puzzle in order to figure out how to fix things. All of the stress and drama that came with it broke me down and I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Again, I tried to fix what I didn’t break but this time, I left before I started falling apart again.
I am trying to be open minded about people and situations that happened before me. Various events in our life don’t always fade away like footprints in the sand but instead leave a permanent dent on our spirit and leave an impression that is cemented in our hearts forever. In order to learn and grow from situations like these, a person has to take a step back and see things for how they really are instead of how he or she wants them to be. Only then can we see if the relationship is built on a solid foundation or if you are the “strong” one trying to hold the broken pieces and broken person together.
About the Guest Author: Angela
Angela Freeman is a blogger/aspiring on air personality with her own love/life blog titled “The Angielala Experience”. “The Angielala Experience” is a platform that focuses on various topics related to love, confidence and everyday issues that people experience throughout their lives. Through “The Angielala Experience”, she has had the opportunity to interview various relationship experts as well as celebrities such as R&B singer Trey Songz and actor/singer Tristan Wilds. Her ultimate goal is to use “The Angielala Experience” as a springboard to launch her lifestyle brand and become the “Internet Oprah” so she is able to reach, touch and inspire millions of people around the world through various online platforms. We at SM are very appreciative for her contribution to the site. We support Angela and more importantly wish her continued success on all of her current and future endeavors.