Why It’s Okay for Men to Cheat and Not Okay for Women

People always ask me, “Why when a man cheats or has a lot of women, he gets respect, but when a woman does it, she’s called a whore”. My short answer is usually something like, “because that’s the world we live in”. The following is my long answer.

It is way easier for the average woman to have sex with a lot of men than it is for the average guy to have sex with a lot of women. On any given Sunday a chick could make a few phone calls and have a least one guy ready and willing to be at her place within an hour for some action. Of course there are outliers, but on average this is the case. So if a woman takes advantage of this “power”, she gets called a name, which is what we do to people who take advantage of their power, we call them names. In all cases name calling is wrong, but it happens.

On the other hand, this feat of making a cold call and getting someone to come over within the hour is nearly impossible for the average guy. Again, there are outliers, but on average, it’s not going to happen. A guy has to work for it a little more, spend a little more, and (unfortunately) lie a little more to reach a similar result. It becomes a full time job him. Guys who have acquired the skill of attracting and juggling multiple women, gains approval from their peers because it is not something the average man can do. In general, we look up to above average people and strive to be like them.

That was my long answer. Here is my medium length answer: “Women get called whore (and more nasty names) for doing the same thing that men do because they possess a great power and anyone who takes advantage of their power get called names.

14 Responses to Why It’s Okay for Men to Cheat and Not Okay for Women

  1. What does any of this have to do with CHEATING? Sounds like single people to me.

  2. I guess… but i wonder if it’s possible for single people to “cheat”?

  3. Great question Rey! because I had a friend who thought me talking to other people while talking to him was “cheating” or “playing the field”…my rebuttal was simply “isn’t that what SINGLE people do? Sample until they find what they are looking for?” Side note: That doesn’t always include sex.

  4. You’re right it’s not possible for single people to cheat, because it’s not called “cheating” when you’re single. But even if you’re single, when women “play the field” they are looked down upon b/c of what I stated in the article above.

  5. You’re a total idiot. The reason women get nailed for cheating has everything to do with the history of patriarchal oppression. The woman was considered the man’s property and a tool to bear his children. If she cheated then how would he know the children are his? If he cheated, well, he gets some bastards. It has everything to do with confirming paternity and maintaining patrilineal succession. Those ideals still last ’till today in a diluted form of shaming women for enjoying sex (words like slut, whore, skank, etc), especially with multiple partners.

    And you’re an idiot and/or a man if you think that any given woman can pick up the phone and get sex whenever she wants. I know LOADS of women (including myself) who are too shy, socially awkward, ugly, insecure, whatever the fuck to get guys.

    You, my friend, are an ignorant, misogynist douchebag.

    • Thank you, fillibuster! This whole blog is filled with ignorant, misogynist views.

      First, I want to point out a flaw in the logic of this article. If women can just pick up the phone and have men lining up at her door, it’s because men are socially constructed to be sex animals, not because women can handle it, or whatever point you’re trying to make. Men want anything that moves. You’ve been taught that the more women you have sex with, the more offspring you’ll create, the more of a legacy you’ll leave, etc. Women, on the other hand, have been taught reserve, virginity, waiting for the right guy. We’ve been taught that to have sexual desire is something only men feel, that women should feel disgusting or “slutty” for experiencing. So yes, women might have an easier time finding sex partners than men do simply because men are so desperate so get their penis wet.

      I did, for a second, have hope for this article when you said, “because that’s the world we live in,” thinking that perhaps you’d speak about the damaging effects of patriarchy and sexism. But no, you simply decided to say, falsely, that women are powerful because we can have sex with so many people. Is this the logic behind gang rape, also?

      Alright, I’ve wasted enough time on this blog. I hope you all see the light and stop being such chauvinistic assholes.

  6. She’s completely right. It’s surprising that you don’t realize that’s where all this disparity comes from — and that you seem so incredibly willing to simply MAINTAIN these archaic views. (Especially considering there are probably a LOT of archaic views from a few hundred years ago you probably (rightfully) think are completely insane.)

    I don’t understand your blog. It’s set up as some kind of advice blog — trying to paint you as some sort of expert in relationships — but all it is really just you wading through various “rules” as you gather them up. It’s like you’re at a total loss for how to get around in the world so you’re keeping a list of these “rules” that you then write posts about to show you’ve collected them. Why don’t you ever stop to question these rules? Or wonder where/how they came to be? Or suggest a different, better way for us all to live and be happier? And why do you hate (or fear?) women so much? It comes across very obviously in almost every entry you post. What’s that about anyway?

    It just seems like there is so much more to you that is creative and original and intelligent. So why keep regurgitating what “society’ has already defined a million times over? Because, yknow, “society” has been wrong a whole lot of the time.

  7. @Filibuster you’ve made some really interesting points and I agree w/ most of it (the jury is still out on my idiocy). But about my assumption that women can get sex when ever they want, have you or your friends ever try it? I can’t say that I know this to be true for certain because I can’t test my hypothesis as I’m a man (and/or idiot). I challenge you (or your friends) to put it to the test. Call up one of your male friends, bring sex into the conversation, and make a realistic proposition. Please report back w/ your findings.

    @Yolanda thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it. But, it doesn’t exactly provide evidence to support an argument against the article above. It’s more inflammatory than anything else. And I can dig it, you’re mad (or at least you sound mad). In order to keep the conversation going you must provide me with argument to agree w/ or rebut.

  8. Agree with JS. This article never qualifies the “cheating” portion of the title. It should prob. be called “Why promiscuity is ok for men, but not women.”

  9. It seem like you really hit a nerve there rey…lol. I just want to put my two cent in and say this must have been a very interesting article. And after reading it again I thought this article had a lot of interesting points. I definitely want to also thank the ladies for actually taking the time out to read the article and more importantly to comment on it as well. It’s always nice to read/hear other ppls opinions.

    Also, keep in mind, seriously maybe can be whatever you make it out to be. Whether It’s us giving advice,rules,or just telling stories from our personal experiences. Remember it’s a blog, so if an article happens to offends you, sry, but it’s sooo cool to be able to express ourselves thru our writing. We can’t make everyone think like us, but we are definitely tryin…; ).

    By the way, read some of out other articles, I’m sure there’s one you prob can side with… Again thanks for the support.

    Marckens P.

  10. OK Rey you haven’t heard from me in a while but I couldn’t resist this one. First I’m confused about the issue being addressed here.. is it that we are saying it’s ok for men to cheat or are we still accepting a double standard when it comes to sex? Cheating is considered negative, whether it has to do with a relationship or not. You cheat in a game, sport, or any medium with standards of conduct and you are disqualified, PERIOD. So what distinguishes relationship cheating from other types is emotion, which supposedly men have less of. Therefore it has been a time honored tradition to brush off a man’s indiscretions because it’s purely physical and some kind of bullshit primal instinct. Once you start bringing up that seed-spreading mumbo jumbo you’re really just admitting that your penis is more in charge of you than you are, and a man with no self control is no man at all.

    The truth is that cheating is not ok in any circumstance. What makes it seem acceptable is when people continue to let it fly. The cold shit is that some women will try and pretend like they can get over it, but when a man is cheated on by a woman he really loves/cares about, that man is gone for good. I know men who are more damaged than they can see from a past experience, and those in turn become the cheaters.

  11. I would like to bring up the historical concept in this side of the hemisphere of the patriarch. All archeological and historical accounts point to the fact that liberal sexual promiscuity by either gender wasn’t such an issue. Actually for all intense and purposes, women held the authority on the “vessel of life”, and related activities (;D) were highly celebrated.

    This would all change with the introduction of the Abrahamic concept of a god who is separate from nature, as well as separate from men (and women) – of course from the Old Testament. All of a sudden the snake (nature and its urge to thrive, often manifesting itself as sexuality) tricks Eve (humanity) into disobeying god (the creator), and is expulsed from Eden.

    Now let us not even get into the argument that Eve wasn’t the first female (according to the OT), but it was Lilith. Of course she was a prior existing Mesopotamian goddess whom the Jews labeled as a demon (a pattern emerges)

    What followed was a systematic demonization of women and their sexuality throughout history perpetrated by the “3 Great Religions”, one worse than the prior. Power of the goddess was taken away from our mothers and sisters, which then were passed onto the clergy whom were forbidden to marry in order to keep the power of society’s moral barometer under the control of men (ok, at least in Christianity).

    The designation of the “Scarlet Letter” is the result. The double standard stems from the engrained teaching spanning thousands of years, that the women is a saint, she is loving and caring, and anything less makes her a creature of loose morals ready to tempt men into acts of sin.

    I think the power Rey talks about is quite real, and we can see evidence of it everywhere in our society. And when he says, “when women take advantage of it, she gets called a XYZ” – sadly this is true as well. And by the way yes, this is where the double standard manifests itself.

    What I’m trying to observe is that the double standard stems from archaic notions of morality of a society, which displays an incredibly high level of disdain from a sexually promiscuous woman.

    But the issue is not as simple as that. I work in advertising, and sex sells like hotcakes. Shockingly, sex is part of our nature. Although it is not advised to have a girl that’s “too hot” in your ad, as men don’t see the product or message at all and just want to have sex. And that’s bad ROI. On the other hand if we’re selling a product targeting women, we often show a very stupid husband character. You girls seem to get a lot of headaches from these characters.

    I hope that this made any sense. Just my 2 cents off of top of my head.

    Oh wait a minute, how embarrassing. This blog post is about cheaters? All the following discussions distracted me. Well, this is easy. Cheaters? Cheaters should be burned in hell. Have a nice day :)

    Ps. Or we could just be juvenile and say that a key that opens many doors is called a master key, while a lock that can be opened by many different keys is called, er, broken.


  12. A key that opens any lock, is a master key. A lock that opens to any key is useless.

  13. Short and simple, cheating is wrong. I don’t care if you are WOMAN or MAN. The thing is that men get praise and women get called a whore. I was married for 31 years and during those years my x cheated many times. Some of the times, only clues and hints that told me he did. Other times, caught red handed. Everyone who knows us, including my relatives and children didn’t care. I divorced him and found what I thought was a good man. I slept with him and everyone started calling me a whore. MEN, YOU ARE PIECES OF SHIT. I SAY PIECES BECAUSE YOUR ALL OVER THE PLACE GETING YOUR DICK WET.