We broke up, so does that mean I can no longer be cool with her friends?

Just the other day, I had a very interesting discussion with a close friend of mines about break-ups. Now break-ups aren’t always the easiest topics to discuss especially when your fresh off one. But this particular topic was different; it’s a topic we tend to pretty much brush off and many times it leads to confusion. She asked, “When you break up with your significant other, does that mean you are no longer friends with their friends”? In other words, should I stop being friends with her friends and vice versa. I thought it was an interested question and I wanted to share my thoughts with the SM audience.

I have to admit, this question made me reflect a bit, I started thinking about my own personal experiences. I remember when me and my ex broke up, and that question always stayed in my mind. I was definitely close to her friends. As time went by I realize I haven’t seen or hung out with her friends anymore. I wasn’t sure if her friends were purposely staying away from me out of respect for her or if I was unconsciously keeping away from them. Well whatever it is, till this day things just aren’t the same.
I’m starting to think this is common behavior in a way, because I know for certain she felt the same about my friends. But when did this become an underline rule? I must have missed the memo Seriously. On that note, I came up with three explanations on why being friends with her friends probably wasn’t the best option after ending our relationship.

1. Comfort. When you break up with your significant other usually you need that extra time to get over that person, so if you were good friends with his/her friends that wouldn’t help the healing process at all. You will find yourself crying everyday because his/her friends will remind you of that past relationship.

2. Out of respect. Let’s say hypothetically speaking you’re the reason you guys broke up in the first place. You did something terrible and unforgivable. True friends would honor the broken hearted one by staying away from you. Why would their friends want to continue a friendship with you after what you did?

3. You may already found new love. Finding new love can be stressful and fun at the same time. You should probably keep your new love to yourself for awhile, at least wait till the dust settles. You don’t want any resentment or a pre-disposition not to like your new love, and the friends of your ex might influence you to feel that way. Also, if you care about your ex, having her friends around your new love will cause the news to get back to your ex and trust me you don’t want that.

At the end of the day, it is what it is, and things will change some way somehow. If you guys were “real” friends then I figured why not continue to be friends, just not close ones. If you guys were friends simply because of the relationship you had with her then maybe it’s beneficial that the “fake” friendship comes to an end. After all, there’s always the option of being associates and being cordial at the same time. So remember, getting into a relationship is usually a package deal. When the relationship ends expect some friendships establish with your ex’s friends to end as well and vice versa.


Marckens P.

8 Responses to We broke up, so does that mean I can no longer be cool with her friends?

  1. I think it´s depend of the situation… everyone is diferent, otherway I like your article!!!! So interesting

  2. Thank you, i really appreciate it!

  3. so i guess if they had a friend that you got along with great and you found out after you broke up (because your partner was unfaithful, lying, manipulative, controlling and abusive (mostly emotionally) that the friend of your ex always liked you much more then just arr friends that you should deny any feelings and walk away??…..

  4. I broke up with my ex over 4 months ago..but I find that I still talk to her friends regularly, I text facebook twitter skype etc them, and they havent changed, I guess it depends if it was an ugly break up or not, and really on how close you really were with her friends, so then answer to the question is yes, you can still be cool with her friends

  5. @DJXA, I agree with you. At the end of the day it depends on the type of break up it was…

  6. I agree that it depends on the situation, but probably a healthy period of time for healing is best before attempting to reconnect with them

  7. which side do you choose? who were you better friends with? Do you choose? Do they choose? every breakup is a little different that the next so i really depends on the the situation.

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