Traveling Without Your Partner

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There’s no easy way to tell your partner you want to go on a vacation without her and on top of that, with your male friends. Sure enough, I put it to the test and she wasn’t too happy when I broke it down to her. My girlfriend told me that going on vacation with my male friends can jeopardize our relationship. She said as long as I’m in a relationship with her, there shouldn’t be any “pleasure” vacations taken without her (whatever that means). She then proceeded to ask “why do I need to take a vacation without her”, and I replied “seriously, so I can do fun things that I know would get me in trouble if you were there”. Ok maybe that wasn’t the right answer and maybe she has a valid point why I shouldn’t be taking trips to Cancun on spring break with my boys especially after that answer. Maybe I should of thought of a good reason for doing so and I quickly realized I didn’t quite give her that comfort she was apparently looking for. But what happen to trusting each other no matter what? It’s situations like this that have me really believing that trust is just a fancy way of saying I only trust you when you’re around me. I feel as though my relationship is a particularly strong one, so the trust should be there. I wouldn’t be asking this if I didn’t already feel completely confident in the strength and trust between us.

I do understand that there are risks that can be avoidable and many women believe taking vacations with your male counterparts is one of them. One woman told me that she is a strong believer in this rule because it allows the chance of screwing up. She also told me that she trusts her boyfriend 100% but she just doesn’t trust his surroundings; meaning his friends, strangers, and the atmosphere he will be around. In a nutshell, she was trying to say if the trust is there in a relationship, there is no guarantee that it will continue to stay that way. So it is important to protect it. She understands that he is human, meaning he is far from perfect, leaving room for mistakes to happen. I guess it’s true what they say, you can never trust enough, nor can you take it for granted. You have to constantly build on it.

I guess my girlfriend’s goal is to assist by minimizing those risky behaviors in order to give me the best chances of not doing anything stupid that will affect the longevity of our relationship. So I began to think if she feels that way, should I feel the same? I really doubt I would have the same concerns if she took a vacation with her girlfriends. If anything, I would probably be excited if she took a vacation without me. To me it’s a vacation for me as well; peace of mind, peace and quiet. I believe we all need an occasional break from our bf/gf at least twice a year. I believe that time apart can strengthen a relationship, whether it needs it or not. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Meanwhile I’m still deciding whether or not I should put her threat to the test. It would be sort of embarrassing to tell my friends I can’t go because my girlfriend said so. Besides, I understand how important my relationship is and I’m sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid to jeopardize it if I decide to go. I’ve made a decision! I think in this case I will go and hopefully her trust for me is strong enough for her not to worry. I’m sure she’ll be ok in the long run and this should only strengthen our relationship. If not, I should strongly consider this relationship….

Marckens P.

19 Responses to Traveling Without Your Partner

  1. Yeah, me and my BF were discussing this the other day…..we’re just glad neither of us is the jealous type and we let each other spend time with our friends and family. He has several female friends and I have several close male friends. It doesn’t bother either of us.

    • Really? Are you sure there is serious love between the two of you? I believe that one of the characteristics of true love is jealousy. Yeah, even God who is the father of love told us He is a jealous God. What matters is the trust but if it is for jealousy, it will always exist between two people who sincerely love each other.

  2. Hey Markus,
    This type of conversation becomes really common even in long marriages where one partner believes the other is behaving in ways that are directly in opposition of a healthy marriage. For example, him going to strip clubs frequently, porn, her going to “girls nights out” 3 times a week, social media relationships with other guys, disrespectful reactions, etc.

    Those ARE all destructive things for a relationship. Your age and non-married status are important here. You guys are just starting the process of defining and enforcing your personal values and boundaries within your relationship.

    She is not sure about hers yet and her only possible reaction now is to not “trust your surroundings”. Horse crap. She is insecure and doesn’t trust you. Here’s the twist, bro. That’s not just HER problem, it’s yours too. A man OWNS the responsibility to create an environment where you BOTH can feel free to pursue fun things without each other and SUPPORT each others’ right to do it.

    This can ONLY happen in an environment where every other action and every other part of your relationship shows the strength of your trustworthiness and your commitment to the health of the relationship. If you screw up frequently, she has good grounds to not trust you.

    A guy your age wouldn’t normally say this, but it’s what my 50 yr. old clients are just NOW learning to OWN.

    “Baby, I understand exactly what you’re saying and I appreciate your concern for protecting our relationship and protecting me from questionable surroundings. You’ve got yourself a man who knows how to draw boundaries to protect YOU and our relationship. I can promise you that. I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. If you can picture US down the road 30 yrs. from now, I will be that same guy for you. Guess what. I expect the same commitment from you. In my mind, it’s the only way we can follow our own desires and dreams AND support each other with love along the way. So, I AM going on the trip without you just as I would support you doing the same. You have nothing to worry about. I hope that helps and that’s a value of mine that YOU can live with.”

    Sounds like BS for a guy your age, I know. But, dude, it is THIS kind of statement that a man has to become comfortable making – if it’s TRUE for him. It helps solidify YOUR character and values and your expectations for your relationships and the women in your life.

    If she can’t accept that and throws a tantrum, you should be concerned about her maturity and ability to accept your values – whatever they are.

    Steve
    Goodguys2Greatmen

    • sorry I got your name wrong, Markens.

      • holy crap….what kind of name is Marckens anyway? ;^)

  3. It is my belief that this is a form of jealousy, and jealousy is insecurity and mistrust all wrapped up into one emotion. If, as you say, your relationship is solid, this will test it mightily. And truly best to test it early and know it passed with flying colors than to test it late in the game and realize the strength was only superficial. I hope it stands the test of time, as well!

    • Agreed! But be careful, a good man doesn’t just go around testing her to see if she passes. Give it to her straight with your words, your values, your expectations, ALL from a place of love. Fill her up with it – on purpose.

      Don’t through a relationship with a “I guess we’ll see what happens” approach. It’s manipulative and not authentic. She will *see right through it*. If you have values, state them without apology and invite her to join you for the ride.

  4. Hi there! Women are mysterious and confused individuals, ain’t they? :)) I, being one myself can guess what your GF must have felt when you stated your wish. There’s nothing wrong in either partner wanting to take a vacation without the other one and we do need space at times. But then, you have to realize that it doesn’t come easily to all women. I don’t think it’s just a question of trust, it’s a lot of other complicated feelings that women in general deal with. And I feel she really wants to keep the relationship going or she wouldn’t have bothered. Anyway, letting my husband have his personal space and time comes very naturally to me and I know my husband is thankful for it, even though he seldom says it;) but believe me, most women are reluctant to give their partners much personal time….. I’ve such friends myself!! To sum it up, yes, it’s best to tell her clearly that you do put great value in her and your relation but you also need your personal time and space. And you would not object to her doing the same. Pls just be patient and understanding! All the best.

    • I buy your idea.

  5. I love the comments by all! Steve that was some great advice and my name is actually a unique one just like my personality…: ). Even though im not 50 years old, there was alot of good points to that story. Thanks for sharing.

  6. I love this post and thanks for it. I believe your girlfriend is right with what she is feeling. I strongly condemn those who just open up their mouth to talk about there shouldn’t be jealousy in a love relationship. The truth is that love and jealousy come together. The only problem is when someone allows jealousy to rule him/her. Jealousy goes beyond trust and trust comes from words and actions. You have to calmly use words to assure your woman about the need for her to trust you.
    what she is concerned about is the prevention mechanism which is very necessary in love relationship. Have you asked your self what if you disappoint her by breaking one of the relationship rules. Don’t over trust yourself because we sometimes do what we never planned doing. Don’t condemn her feelings and if you think you care less about her going on vocation without you then, kindly examine if you’re truly in love with her.
    Expressing fear and jealousy is part of love relationship but it is wrong when someone allows it to rule him/her.

  7. Wow, this is a great post about a very touchy issue. I have taken a vacation with my mom and sisters, but it wasn’t the type of thing that I think the boyfriend would have liked to take part of. If it was the other way around, however, I think my feathers would definitely be ruffled if a man asked to take a vacation without me – but this post and the comments has helped me think that maybe I need to widen my perspective. Thanks for brining up this issue.

  8. I don’t see anything wrong with going on a vacation without your spouse. Maturity in the relationship and strong bonds are required. If you two don’t know each other and insecurity is present on any level, don’t even think about bringing it up. However, in a seasoned relationship or marriage, it may be more of a welcome idea allowing you some space thus strengthening the relationship. Great Post, thanks!

  9. Well.. I look at this from the other perspective. For instance I love to travel, but my husband is a workaholic…. I dont think that I should have to sit still because he doesnt want to go.. so I go. I think that if the relationship is solid that you can spend days away without putting everything on the line.. but maybe thats just me.

    • Jeena, I agree.
      Each person must be able to comfortably do things that light up their passions without apology or mistrust.
      Assuming your workaholic husband is following one of his passions, there is no reason not to allow each other to chase dreams.
      HOWEVER, this environment of support and trust must be coupled with a consistent and authentic effort on BOTH parts to make sure your emotional and intimate needs are met. Many divorces begin with the “separate vacation” syndrome BECAUSE these needs are not being met.

      Steve
      Goodguys2Greatmen

  10. Hey if you’ve got trust and sincerity, you don’t need anything else. If the guy loves you,he won’t try anything stupid, even when he’s traveling without his spouse or girl friend. He’ll probably won’t feel like betraying his loved one :)

  11. Hi
    Thanks for posting the nice share.
    If you do have that understanding with your partner that you can travel without him/her ,there is no harm.You can definitely enjoy your own life, its not always necessary to be with him /her to show that you love your partner truly.

    Regards

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  13. I would be interested to know whether Marckens is still together with his girlfriend. To me, it depends on how often and for how long my SO wants to travel solo, as well as how do we feel when we spend time together. I think it’s your additional responsibility to keep the spark going around when you’re home if you like to travel solo. You also need to agree on the frequency of communication if you’re going away (don’t expect her to be happy just to hear your voice randomly in the middle of the night, on the other hand, she can’t ask you the impossible of calling her every x hours/ days) To me, if you travel solo for over 3 weeks (which is the usual amount of vacation one gets in my country), then the question comes to mind: if you want to spend so much time without me, then what is it that is keeping us together when you are around? If a guy goes traveling solo, then his gf has the right to spend that much time without him, be it a trip to Europe or just moving out for a month. I wish more couples viewed traveling solo and assessed the amount of time one can spend solo this way.