Is Masturbation Cheating?

I read an article which describe married women who are disturbed by their husbands’ private wrist exercise practices. This is my commentary on the matter.

First of all, LOL, this shit is funny. I’m sorry, I had to get that out of my system (no pun intended). I actually posed a similar question to my ex-gf a while ago (and this also ties into my gripes about the way society views cheating). The question I posed was, “Are men cheating when they go to strip clubs?”

It may be considered cheating because naked or half-naked women are parading around to simulate arousal in a man’s pants, while simultaneously putting cash in their own pants (or thongs or … you get the picture). Sexual arousal occurs when the brain thinks the body will soon take part in sexual activity. At this point the guy is “up” and the brain thinks sexual engagement will soon occur. So this guy is imagining (consciously or subconsciously) sexual activity with the parading women around him. Is this cheating?

Let’s take it a step further. In most of these clubs laps dances are employed for further arousal (and cash). Some men (I’ve heard) actually soil their trousers while being entertained by such measures, although no real penetration has occurred. Ejaculation occurs at the climax of sexual arousal. In this case, the brain cannot tell the difference between a lap dance and actual sexual intercourse; if it could, neither arousal nor ejaculation would occur. Now, can this be considered cheating?

If we take it one step further, we get to the topic of discussion, “Is masturbation cheating?” Scrap the strip club situation and let’s look at a hypothetical situation with Bob. Bob’s wife is (or was) a thick light-skinned woman with a fat ass, slim waist, and big breast and he’s had her every way imaginable. Today Bob wants a chocolate lover with beautiful dark skin and with petite build. He could A) find a chocolate lover for the day and cheat on his wife or B) pick up the DVD “Dark Chocolate Honies 5″ at his local adult novelty store (or bootlegger) and spend some quality time with himself.

In either situation Bob’s brain is satisfied with the results: going through motions of sexual intercourse with a dark-skinned petite woman. Most would agree that option B is more acceptable than option A. I argue that both the situations should be judged equally, either acceptable or not. I say this in my attempt to sharpen the blurred lines of what is and isn’t cheating. Is it penetration or ejaculation? Is it thought or action? Or is it emotional reoccurring involvement with any of the above? You tell me.

15 Responses to Is Masturbation Cheating?

  1. Different people have different ideas of what cheating is, or rather, what they’ll except and what they won’t. Realistically, lots of people fantasize about other people outside of their relationship at one point or another. If they choose to be honest with their partner about it, it’s not likely that their partner will leave. They may feel slighted or a bit down-hearted, but not to the same extent that they would if their partner penetrated another or let another penetrate them.
    There are some radicals that do feel slighted that their partner would feel the need to masturbate when they have a perfectly good “place” for their “manhood”, or a perfectly good “manhood” that isn’t being utilized. To them I say: Sometimes people just need to do it themselves. It doesn’t mean you’re not handling business (though sometimes it does), it just means that a person just likes to love themselves from time to time. On the other hand, there are people (male and female) that enjoy watching their partner masturbate or even knowing about it.
    The strip club is a serious matter for many women (and some men though it’s not as likely to be an issue) out there. To them, it’s one thing to have thoughts about another and another thing to have physical contact with a person while you think of them. Some women are okay with their man going to the strip club (not necessarily on the regular). There are women out there that’ll even go with their man and buy them a lap dance; slapping on the strippers a** and the whole nine.

    What I’m getting at is, it’s in the eye of the beholder. That’s why it’s important to communicate and ask questions to see where the lines/boundaries are. People and their tolerances vary, the possibilities of personalities are endless.

  2. i agree that communication is the key and it does depend on the individual… in this article i was taking broad strokes (no pun intended) across the issue :)

  3. Broad strokes? The pun was definitely intended.

    You asked very specific questions though, and you asked your reader to tell you. :p

  4. OMG Rey, this is a great article! you broke it down really well! How do I judge what’s right and what’s wrong? What’s acceptable and what is not? This really confirms that fact that many things in life are not always so black and white and its even harder to judge. I agree with you, to me, its all the same: if you physically have sex with another woman, or you have sex with her in your mind. I call the later, emotional infidelity, and its equally as hurtful and “bad” … is so complicated and I’m stomped! i don’t know the answers….and how can i communicate something I don’t even understand, or I don’t have a clear stand point on?

  5. i’m glad that you took the time to really think about it… the question wasn’t posed for an answer… some questions are so on point that the answer is as clear as day… a lot of people wont except what’s right in front of there faces so no matter the answer i give it wouldnt matter… so i just ask questions and let you be the judge :)

  6. Are you kidding me? Masturbation is the most natural way for a man to satisfy himself, as well as keep himself well tuned. The same goes for women. If my back itches, I’ll scratch it. That’s normal, right? So too is masturbation. Dr. Ruth (I’m sure you know who she is) advocates masturbation for what it is…natural. Sadly, too many men are using blue pills, and other types of drugs to keep themselves “primed”. Perhaps, they don’t realize that they are putting themselves at risk for a heart attack, but they are. Just trust and be good to yourself. It wouldn’t bother me in the least, if my husband and/or man felt the need. I think it’s great, but then again, I’m very secure about myself.

  7. Men have to use those “blue pills” these days because they are whacking it to porn too much and killing their serotonin receptors. It’s been documented. And porn addiction is now classified as a legitimate disease by the CDC. Look it up. Strip clubs are cheating. Lap dances are most definitely cheating. It’s called dry humping in the real world and a man probably wouldn’t like it if his wife rubbed up and down over a guy’s pants to make him erect or to get him off. If you wouldn’t do it with your partner in the room, you shouldn’t be doing it.

    If a guy is masturbating without porn he is most likely fantasizing about someone other than his partner. How does this increase intimacy in the relationship? I realize most boys whack it like they would brush their teeth – it’s a habit and they think of it as personal maintenance (if they think about it all). But when in a relationship, it’s best to reserve erotic energy for your partner. If you find you’re bored and getting less interested in sex with your partner, thinking about others while masturbating with not solve that problem. In fact, it will most likely make it worse.

    Men are socially conditioned to behave this way. They can be more evolved, they can grow. Women have to learn to nurture their relationships and their partners as well as they do their children – and to have compassion for the men in their lives instead of resenting them for their faults. It’s a team effort.

  8. I loved this article. And yes I think it may be a type of deception as you say consciously or unconsciously.

  9. I’m going to be that rare liberal woman that says no I don’t regard it as cheating.. simply because If it keeps you from cheating… I think its helpful. Just as with anything in life, moderation is key.. Now if you are watching porn morning, noon and night and or your masturbation is getting in the way of actual intercourse with your spouse, these are tell-tell signs that you are abusing the measures, but if you are taking the edge off occasionally…. 😉 carry on.

  10. First please let me get this off my chest: LOL! I love that SM is based off a males perspective! Guys tend to get straight to the chase when there is a point they are trying to make; no cut cards. Secondly, I found LB’s response to be the most mind boggling, but that is why we are here in discussion, I suppose. Nothing about someone masturbating without porn says that without doubt they are NOT thinking of their partner. I’ve been in relationships that, in the time of absence (possibly even short periods of absence, maybe a normal work day) my partner is masturbating at the thought of him and I, and vocalized it through text/picture and it only made me want to leave work, drive home naked, and get right to it! It can totally build anticipation in some instances.
    I guess it truly does depend on personal boundaries. I absolutely think that masturbation is healthy. Of course sometimes I would like to join in on the fun, i.e. don’t substitute sex for PALMella, and I won’t substitute you for the handy man in my night stand ;-). But, then again, I’m the girl who supports the watching of porn…so what do I know? LoL (thanks Marckens

  11. Cheating: Most people leave the understanding unspoken and assume that what you mean by cheating is what I mean by cheating.

    Let me suggest a different way of thinking about this: Within any relationship, boundaries need to be discussed and sorted out. Questions like “what is cheating?” need to be asked and discussed. And then then need to be discussed and talked through again because “cheating” for a recently married couple, a couple with older teenage children and a couple in their 80’s may end up as rather different boundaries.

    My point here is this: the only time a behavior is “cheating” is when it represents a violation of an EXPLICIT agreed upon boundary. Alas, that means a lot of work, often uncomfortable, sorting out what is and isn’t right.

    And for the record, in my relationship, masturbation is most definitely not cheating.

  12. This is a very interesting topic. Many people do have different views on what is and what isn’t cheating. Everyone in a relationship do need to establish what they both think what cheating means to them.

    Cheating to me is when someone gets intimately and emotionally involved with someone else rather than their spouse. But when it comes down to masturbating I think it is ok. I don’t see it as cheating because it just a 5 minute thing.

    It all depends on everything, religious views, on the type of person you might be dating and everything.

  13. Hell No. This is only in the USA. Read my blog article on Why Female Masturbation Looked Down on in the USA?

  14. Hell No. This is only in the USA. Read my blog article on Why Female Masturbation Looked Down on in the USA?