My SM compadre MP wrote an article about friends with benefits titled “Are We Together? No Not Really…” In it he talks about how a friends with benefits relationship can work. And it does work, but for how long? That’s my question. Realistically speaking, how long can two people be in a relationship that is loosely defined by occasional (or frequent) casual sex?
In my experience 3 months, yup, 3 months. After 3 months casual sex turns into casual dating, where the booty call is preempted with dinner and a movie. After 6 months it starts getting confusing. You find yourself in a bf/gf relationship that you didn’t sign up for.
Is this “bad”? Well it depends on what you and the other person want. Often times it is the woman who wants to be in bf/gf relationship and the guy does everything he can to stay out of one. He will give in if he becomes too dependant on her as a friend with benefit. My theory is that a woman senses this dependency (it can even be subconscious) and begins to demand more structure to the relationship. At this point the man has to make a decision: A) Go along for the ride or B) Hop off while he still can. Most men would go along for the ride because after 6 months of having a great (I assume great b/c it lasted for 6 months) friend with benefit, it would be unlikely that he’ll give it up.
Guys, to avoid getting into this situation I suggest you apply my 3 month rule. After 3 months of enjoying the benefits of your friendship, ask yourself the question, “Do I want this woman to be my girlfriend?” If the answer is Yes, be proactive and ask her to make it official. If the answer is No, be proactive and cut it off. This will ensure that you will not be persuaded into a relationship down the line. I also offer the same advice to women, if they find themselves in this situation.
A friend with benefits situation cannot last for ever. If you absolutely do not want it to turn into something more, be smart and cut it short.