Dating While Atheist


Dating has gotten increasingly tough for me, as a person who has come to the conclusion that God doesn’t exist. This conclusion is commonly known as atheism. Atheists are the minority in the United States. I’m also black. So that that makes me a minority within a minority. This is not an ideal situation for someone trying to find “the one.” But through my experience I’ve been able to quickly decide whether a relationship is worth pursuing. Today, I’d like to share what I’ve learned with you.

Most people will state that religion doesn’t matter when it comes to love. All that matters is that you care deeply about the other person. I don’t necessarily disagree with that position but I would add that it’s hard to love someone who asserts that their imaginary friend is judging you. This realization, at times, has made it hard for me to get past a first date.

Religion is taboo topic that most people stay away from until they’ve built a strong enough rapport to have that conversation. The problem is that if you wait too long to have this conversation you might have wasted your time getting to know someone who is superstitious (or vice versa). So how do you find out someone’s religious (or non-religious) views without wasting time?

Finding out people’s religious views takes paying close attention to what they tell you and asking tough questions early on so that you don’t waste any time. I find that people tell you what they believe without actually saying it directly.

Extremely religious people tend to brag about it how religious they are. It’s usually a humble brag like, “I’m soo tired from going to the early mass this morning” or “I can’t believe how worn out my bible is… I just got it.” I usually don’t get past a conversation with this group of people, so a first day is out of the question.

The second group of people that I’ve noticed say they are not religious, but spiritual, and leave it at that. I think this group is the majority. They’re usually people who were raised religious, but has realized how silly religious beliefs are. I was among this group for several years. For an atheist, this is the one you’d want to engage. The fact that they’ve moved away from the religion they were raised in, at the very least, says that they are independent thinkers. These people are cool to date.

The last group of people that you’ll find are the atheists. As I stated before this group is the minority so it’s hard to find these people all. I actually don’t know how to spot an atheist. We tend to hide due to the fear of social ostracism. But if/when you do find an atheist, do not automatically assume that they are rational or intelligent. Some people are atheist for emotional reasons. They would argue that their father died young so how could their be a God. To me, intellectually, this is like getting the right answer by guessing. A guess doesn’t make you knowledgeable. At the extreme end, there are the emotional atheist who are just hateful. I really have nothing to say about them except, you catch more flies with honey. When talking to an atheist try to find out why they have such divergent views and then determine whether or not you’d want to date them.

In closing, dating while atheist is hard, but hopefully this article makes it a little more easy for you.

Reynald “Reyshizz” Benoit is an independent artist raising money to fund his first full length album. If you want to contribute to this effort, you can do so here.

One Response to Dating While Atheist

  1. I recently came across a wonderful woman who I seem to be clicking on every aspect. You know, corny things such as finishing each other’s sentences and what not. However, I as I guided our conversation to fundamental expectations of a dating candidate, she explicitly stated that her man needed to be a man of “God.” I’d say I’ve sort of been indifferent about it and shy away from this topic, as you said, not until you build a strong foundation in each other’s lives. I was raised in a religious environment and was quite active in the church as a child. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had more questions than polite answers they’ve been able to provide. I’m not looking for direct advice, but simply offering my experience of being able to sort of relate. Maybe there’s a meetup group for this. – the Habitual Offender