Are we together? No not really….

I recently wrote an article titled Friends Without Benefits and I’m sure a lot of people understood where I was coming from and more importantly understood the possibility of having a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. But let’s take a second to discuss having the friendship with the benefits from the opposite sex. Now some of you might wonder what do I mean when I say benefits and others might totally understand where I’m coming from. But let me make this somewhat clear and specific, benefits in regards of having a sexual and intimate relationship with the opposite sex with no strings attached. And to make it even more clearer, I figured I go get a definition for you guys. After doing a quick search, I came across a descriptive definition on Wikipedia ( they used the terms casual relationship). The definition is as follows, “A casual relationship, colloquially known as a fling, is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting the extra commitments of a more formal romantic relationship. Motives for casual relationships vary. There are significant gender and cultural differences in acceptance of and breadth of casual relationships, as well as in regrets about action/inaction in those relationships”.

So the million dollar question would be how does one end up in this situation in the first place? Is it because you guys are so sexually attractive to each other that being in a relationship would put that all in jeopardy? Or is it because this person is good enough to be sexual with but not good enough to be in a relationship? Well I personally think it is not only possible but also pretty easy to manage. Imagine this… Two people, whom are both very mature and very much attracted to each other, like each other. And even though they like each other, they don’t want to fully commit to a serious relationship, as in boyfriend/girlfriend. So they decide to have a friendly relationship, one in which they will satisfy each others’ needs without the stress of a relationship. In situations like this communication is very key, it can make or break the friendship. From time to time, if the benefits are continuing to be met, it should be an understanding and agreement from both partners. After a while strong feelings may start to spark and that can get somewhat be confusing and difficult for one to handle.

So after knowing the consequences and the risks, then I say why not. If you’re old enough to be able to tie your own shoes then I guess you’re mature enough to make these type of tough decisions. You and your “friend” should go over some guidelines so there is an understanding on what is ok and what is not ok… (i.e., is it ok to date other people? Are we committed to one another sexual? Is this going to be a long-term thing? etc). Make sure it is something that both of you agree on and it is something that you both desire. We are here in this world to make ourselves happy by doing the necessary things to achieve that. People are going to judge but so what, we live in a society where people judge everyday. Just make sure that the decision that you make is a good one and hopefully it does not haunt you in the future, and you never know that friendship could easily turn into a romantic relationship.

Marckens P.

6 Responses to Are we together? No not really….

  1. Friends with benefits sometimes or never works out because you always have the female or male that later want to be in relationship when it’s suppose to be about sex and only sex.. Sometimes you have female or male that fall in love with you just because you gave him or her a good orgasm in bed. you gotta be careful who you have sex with because sometimes that person might become obsessed with you, might stalk you, or think ya’ll in relationship when it’s just about sex.

  2. Friends with benefits sounds ideal because it seems like both people are in agreement and sometimes it does start out that way. In almost all cases, someone catches feelings along the line and starts expecting more, whether its more phone contact, less contact with other people or an actual relationship… it happens often. In this case, the person thats not interested can choose to use the other person for sex while leading them on orrrr the relationship will just end with one person being call an asshole and the other a clinger, or something of that sort lol

  3. @ Latino Dynamite, i understand where you are coming from but in order to avoid that is to have good communication throughout the whole time you guys are friends. Keep reminding that person that we are friends and make it be understood. if it cant be understood then maturity has to come in play and it can no longer be a friend with benefit relationship any more.

    @ Dreia, you make a good point, but there should always be some type of “expiration date” on the benefit part (as weird as it might sound) but honestly, it shouldn’t continue on for a long period of time because eventually feelings will start to grow

  4. I think some people are mature enough to have long term friends with benefits. Again, communication is the key! From the beginning it has to be concrete what the relationship will entail. Take breaks in between if necessary but if the relationship is only sexual there is no need for deep conversations, gifts or anything of the sort. Its just sex. Bam,bam thank you mam. LOL.

  5. I don’t even know what I have with this one person….I admit that I have fallen for them hard and they know that very well. However, they have issues with commitment and don’t want to be tied into a relationship (a serious one, for that matter) at this time. But they have admitted that they do like me and find me attractive, they do want to have a ‘friends with benefits’ thing with me. However, this is where it gets confusing…this person, who continues to say that they are not in love with me:
    -Gets VERY jealous of others (though I get jealous as well) going near me with more intentions then friendship (even though they proclaim that I should date and hook up with other people)

    -Calls me nearly 2 times a day during their lunch breaks at work (One time I was called nearly seven times)

    -Texts me all the time..ALL of the time.
    -Has planned several surprise outings for me that include picnics, movies and stargazing along with wearing formal clothing and them paying for everything

    -Bought me this beautiful topaz necklace for Christmas because it “reminded them of me”

    ^ …Do we sound like just ‘friends’ to you? ):