3 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Find a Good Man

I had a conversation with my friend about his female friend who’s actively seeking a man for a serious relationship. Her problem is that the men who are interested in her aint about shit. They are “no good”, immature, hustling, losers and she’s tired of it. What’s worse is that she’s beginning to think that there is a problem with her because she attracts losers.

As he told me this story, I thought about several of my female friends who go through the same ordeal. After discussing for a bit we came to three conclusions…

1. The majority of men aint shit

As hard as it is for me to admit this, it is true. I know a lot of guys who are no good lying cheating bastards (no offense). They are fluent in the art of deception and seduction. They know how to get what they want from women while giving as little as possible. To add to that, they have no real ambition to do anything of meaning with there lives. The quick buck is what mostly appeals to them. I wouldn’t call these people close friends, just people I know. I tend to surround myself with like-minded intelligent people. But I understand a majority of the male population aren’t intelligent, motivated and faithful people. The reasons behind this phenomenon brings me to our second conclusion…

2. Women are, in fact, crazy and drive men to be assholes

Maybe not crazy in the clinical sense, but crazy in the way that have baffled the men that pursue them for many centuries. Women say things like, “You should have known”, “I shouldn’t have to tell you that” or the worst of all “That was then, this is now.” Us men really have a hard time understanding you. In the instances where the man is ideal in every way, you criticize him for being only 95% perfect. I’ve heard women say, “He’s too nice” or “I feel like I can walk all over him.” I find that women take advantage of the “good guy” instead of appreciating him. Another thing that I have noticed among the female population is that they would cheat on or leave the “good guy” for a man who aint shit (found in our first conclusion). As a result the “good guy” is transformed into an “asshole”.

In some rare instances there are women who could appreciate the “good guy”, but they usually aren’t fortunate enough to ever find one who’s straight or lives in a 50 mile radius. I really believe this problem can be solved by our last conclusion.

3. Women’s attitude need to change
a) Inwardly

Having low self-esteem will not help you in your pursuit of happiness. You have to KNOW that you are good enough and deserve a good guy, regardless of the assholes that you’ve dealt with.

b) And outwardly

Present the world with a confident self-sufficient woman and the good men will identify you as someone to pursue. Positive thinking doesn’t hurt either. I am a firm believer in speaking your reality into existence. So with that logic if you constantly repeat the phrase “there are no good men out there”, you probably won’t find any. But if you say the opposite, you might see some results. Even if you don’t see any results, at least you’ll feel better about the search.

16 Responses to 3 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Find a Good Man

  1. i agree with the all of this. and about the second one, i’ve found a 95% perfect guy, so kindhearted. from the start of our relationship becoming deeper ive made sure to treat him great n buy little things for him he loves. i have selfesteem issues but they’re getting better. i don’t wana screw this up for myself. hes amazing.

    • yeah..i agree to all of it too. But if you dont mind lauren could you answer this? I recently felt like i have low self-esteem, but i dont walk around settling for a no good man. If things just keep happening to cause me to loose my temper, you know its just something everyday! He wait’s for me too go to slp to watch tv, but tells me he dont like tv. He has an attitude all day long, but in the am around 0ne am after iv’e awaken for a drink and ciggarette he’s all happy. Front door be open a flick be on the tv and he’s talking fast! lIke niggah i aint even asked you shit! Anyways what do you get out of all this??

  2. What about examples like this? My last boyfriend was a really good guy…but he was also extremely clingy, always needed constant reassurance, called me crying at 2AM to come cuddle him because he was worried I didn’t love him anymore, basically liked me more than I liked him and always told me about it. I was so tired of him. He was a great guy but the relationship was so so stale and old that I just wasn’t ever excited to see him, I got tired of hanging out with him, I didn’t like to think about it but when I stopped to assess my feelings for him they were just, “blah.” Now am I in the wrong?

  3. Why do men feel the need that they can hurt people? Why can’t they be with one person? Why do all the good women always get hurt or find themselves with a loser?single own home, car no kids & no man..my life is so incomplete!!! I am so hurt from my man cheating, I never want to look at a man, talk to a man or any type communication! No I am not turning lesbian but this break up hurt me so bad I will never look at a man the same way again. I wish men would stop hurting us women all together!

    • Tiffany, I know how you feel. I was dating a guy for about 4 years and we were best friends. But he decided to ‘sow his wild oats’ on one last fling before we tied the knot. I was so hurt, angry and betrayed. I told him straight out, that I still loved him, I forgave him, but I will never trust him again. And I refused to spend my life with a guy I don’t trust because I will become ‘that’ woman’ who is constantly suspicious, monitoring phone bills, and checking pockets. Cheating hurts. I stayed away from men for years, bought my own house, car, no kids. I poured myself into church and positive books and kept supportive people around me.
      Fill yourself with everything positive. I even wrote affirmations on my bathroom mirror, it works!

  4. There are good men and women everywhere; however couples are struggling today with the emotional part of relationships, not the sex part.

    Whether couples admit it or not, sex and mate selection is highly emotional, or have we forgotten that part? Once a relationship becomes romantic or sexual, it is HIGHLY emotional.

    Studies have established that an individual’s self-concept changes due to the close relationships men and women form. Thus, a secure man and a secure woman can become quickly insecure with a new partner or grow more or less secure over time.

    Fact: If two people are not actively building each other’s self-esteem and making each other secure for the long-haul, they will suffer with lower esteem and insecurities.

    Fact: Men want confident women, but are men willing to keep her confident and build her self-esteem, to hold up his end of the bargain?

    Fact: Women want emotionally secure men, but are women willing to hold off on sex and create a loving relationship first, to hold up her end of the bargain?

    People are returning to the marriage contract, because FWB does not work. Look around: suicides, self-esteem issues, insecurities, etc. Relationships based on sex, only amplify emotions, which makes women seem ‘crazy’ and men seem like ‘jerks’. Women are not all crazy and men not are all jerks. Human emotional needs are not suited for FWB.

    It is ignorance to judge, stereotype, and label the opposite sex, because of short-sighted, FWB behaviors that do not align with our long-term emotional needs.

    • I apologize my post of Dec 13 was intended for a different article.

      In reference to #3 ‘Women’s attitude needs to change’. We all want confident partners, but we need to keep each other confident. Confidence is not a stable state, it fluctuates depending on our environment and people who influence us routinely.

      More importantly, men and women’s esteem works differently. (this is why most women have self-esteem issues) Women tend to downplay their strengths and esteem, while men tend to play-up their strengths and esteem.

      For example, women say things such as she’s so much better or smarter than me, while men say I’m so much better or smarter than him.

      To keep a women confident, she needs on-going feedback and reassurance about HER performance, importance, appearance, esp. from her intimate partner. If she doesn’t get feedback, her esteem starts sinking quickly.

  5. This is a great article and fits perfectly into the world that we live today. Too many people seek ‘good’ partners but when they do get a ‘good’ partner they either take advantage of their partner or plainly just don’t’ see what they have in front of them. This is such a shame but its something that I have experienced many times in my many relationships that I’ve been in the course of my life.

    Not to be sexist or anything, but the above statement applies mostly for women. What most people don’t realize and commonly misunderstand is that women are actually the most probably cause of most relationships in the world today to fall apart, which brings me to point #2.

    Bear with me I’ll share a bit of my experience of the past that proves point #2 regarding my ex-girlfriend:

    Whenever I’m in a relationship, I tend to be the ‘good’ side of the relationship. I never cover up any small detail and tend to go with the truth to my partner about most things (except family and personal problems). In fact, I don’t sugarcoat anything to the point that whenever I give advice to my ex-girfriend (and current girlfriend) I end up hurting their feelings one way or another because I simply told them the honest truth about what needs to be fixed, their attitude and way of dealing with problems in the relationship. I mean, women claim they seek honesty but when they do get honesty us guys get blamed for it?

    It seems no matter what guys do nowadays, we always end up on the wrong end of the stick. If you’re like me and you tend to be the ‘good’ in the relationship, you will always most likely be disappointed through the course of the relationship, which of course you’ll get through because you’re committed..whereas your partner is not as likely to do the same.

    These are a few examples of how someone can turn into a ‘bad’ guy, because the ‘good’ is never appreciated when its present, only when its absent.

    My two cents. :)

  6. Alot of men just want to fuck around and have sex with as many girls as possible. That is why its hard to find a good man

  7. ” I am a firm believer in speaking your reality into existence. ” The Secret.

  8. Men should look beyond being sexually and or physically involve in a woman’s life. We need emotional and mental support as well to help us to continue be confident in who we are.

  9. LOL. Half of my girlfriend’s friends are like you lot. Always single. They always ask “Where are the good men”. The answer is what it’s always been: they’re taken by the women with something to offer. If you’re a single woman asking where the good men are at, you’re not one of the good women.

  10. Great post, Rey.
    The thing I held on to the most was what you said about speaking your reality into existence. This is one of the greatest things I’ve ever learned. You learn a lot through out life, and honestly sometimes, some of it becomes irrelevant. THIS is one thing that I apply to EVERYTHING. It’s the law of attraction and it works. Period.
    Secondly, something else to take into consideration is a lot of people are out here looking for so many things that they are not! When I say that, I mean, you also need to BE what you are looking for, in a sense. You can’t request that your guy makes six figures and you’re not even CLOSE to the highest digit in your 5 figures! Be realistic. I mean really, how do you expect to attract someone with a complete A-Z and you ‘re still learning your alphabet??

  11. I completely agree and especially with number three. Women seem to not want to take responsibility for their attitudes and behaviors in regards to how it puts off eligible men. No one wants someone who is difficult an unappealing.. and thats real. take it however you may….

  12. Men and women are very different creatures. We have different needs, we just have to understand and evolve.

  13. it’s not that women don’t like good Guys.they just want a man who will take charge in an appropriate way. we want gentle lovers, at the same time we expect them to demand we do certain things for them.if I say something that I shouldn’t say then I expect to be reprimanded. If I do something I shouldn’t do then I should expect whoever I’m with to put their foot down over it. Nobody wants somebody they can walk all over.A women feels comfortable in a relationship with a man who is going to demand respect from her.

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